This is it

Was chatting with my friend who's taking care of heifers and calves somewhere in the South Pacific when it hit me: I too, am leaving the country soon.

It's time.

"I've tried to change things, for nine years," my friend says.
"We can't change things, not within our lifetime," I told him. "We plant the seeds. The next one will tend. The next one will harvest," I said.
We won't be around for the harvest. But it's good to plant seeds now, though we don't expect to harvest.
Maybe that's how it is in nation-building.
"At least may isa pang iskolar ng bayan na nagsilbi muna bago umalis," I told him.

After nine years, he's taking care of himself. His needs, this time. His own dreams. His future.

I recall the numerous times he had to fight, but lost many times but he sucked it in for the next round.

I don't feel bad when my friends leave. After all, there is very little argument to make them stay. Leaving has become a matter of survival.

Maybe when they go back, they'll return with some insights from abroad. On how things should be done, on what can be done, and proceed to have it done.

"Babay muna, Pilipinas. Hindi mo ako kayang alagaan kasi," said one doctor.

I always remember that line.

We are still so far from the ideal, where a government takes care of its people, where the governed is proud of its leaders, where a leader inspires a nation.

Darating ang panahon, lilingon tayo sa panahong ito at sasabihin nating may naging kontribusyon tayo. Di man tayo nagsilbi sa gobyerno, masasabi nating naging mabuti tayong Pilipino.

Isteyt op da neyshen

Siyam na oras ako sa Kongreso kahapon para sa sa SONA. Ang haba ng pasensiya ko na hinayaan kong pagsinungalingan ako ng ganoon katagal, habang may mga pumapalakpak na hinakot mula sa mga opisina ng gobyerno. (Nakita ko ang mga bus ninyo sa East Avenue).


Ito iyong nakabihis lahat tapos naglolokohan. Makikinig tapos paglabas ng session hell, este, hall, uupakan ang polisiya ng nagsalita. Ritwal ng demokrasya.

Walang masyadong nagsuot nang bongga.

Noong una akong nagku-cover ng SONA, hinuhulaan ko kung nasaan na ang presidente. Ngayon, bawat lalakaran niya, makikita mo na sa widescreen sa loob ng session hell, este, hall.


Ganito kagulo sa lobby pagkatapos ng spits, este, speech ng pangulong di natin sigurado kung nanalo nga noong 2004. (Sorry, I just had to say that).

May pupuna sa sinabi ng pangulo, kahit pa kaalyado niya. May mga taga-Malakanyang na igigiit na tama ang polisiya ng pangulo. (Ituloy ang 12 percent VAT at ipamigay sa mahihirap. Alam niyo bang ang mga squatter at natutulog sa kariton ay hindi kasama sa listahan ng gobyerno ng mahihirap? Wala raw kasing permanenteng address. Go fuc**ng figure).

Dati, bilang paggalang sa opisina ng pangulo, nagbibihis ako nang maganda. (At on cam pa ako noon kasi). Pero mula noong hindi na ako sa legislative beat naka-assign, jologs outfit na. Polo naman. At saka heels. Pero maong.

Pero kahapon? Sneakers. Pero polo pa rin. Ang bigat ng laptop ko sa backpack at may dala pa akong camera na may mahaba-habang lente. Di ko kakarerin ang pagpostura para sa presidenteng tumawag kay Garci. Hello?


Sa labas, tuloy ang protesta. Pero sabi ng isang jeepney driver di na raw puwede ang protesta lang. Mas maganda raw kung parang sa Bastille na, para minsanan. Tsk. Tama ba iyon?


Mabait ang aso na ito. Bayle ang pangalan. Overweight lab. Big head daw. Magkasing-katawan sila ng minder niya. :)

Nasa bahay ako ngayon. Nagpapagaling. Nilagnat ako kahapon habang nasa session hall. Siguro kasi, "mainit" ang pinanggalingan ni Gloria.

Now here I am barking like a dog to a stranger. And I've been told I can't take ibuprofen because of my thyroid that goes hyper fast or super slow, depending on its mood.

That just about sums it up.

May I remind everyone that the views expressed here are personal (but probably shared by many silent Filipinos). The center I work for has nothing to do with this. They don't even know I/my blog.

When it rains

Windmills of Bangui, Ilocos Norte, September 2007

It's raining hard right now. Everything's white.
These days, when it rains, I feel like Christmas.
And then I remember these giants.

I welcomed the new year here.
It was friggin' freezing.
Here, the wind howls and enters your room like a persistent ghoul, inserting itself through crevices and envelops your room in white forcing you to seek refuge under your useless blanket.
I think the freezing wind can make your nipples go hard and fall off, even if you're male.
I wonder if it can do the same thing to penises.

I was able to write a tough article here, with lots of numbers and policy stuff.
The type that can drain a brain.
Well, my numeracy-challenged brain, at least.
I think I can write a book here.

Windmills of Bangui, Ilocos Norte, September 2007

I wish I can climb one of these monsters soon.
When I was there for an article, windmill number 3 was acting up.
Number 3, I was told, is always unpredictable.
I gleefully lent it my name, christening it Windmill JJ.
As in "Sira si JJ."
Sounds true most of the time.

The rain's slapping Quezon City silly right now and I think of this place and the turning of their blades and the grains of sand that find their way to my cup of coffee and the pages of the book I'm reading and the cold wind that makes me hug my blanket sitting in front of the stormy sea that crashes on the shore and then retreats only to return with more force.
I can almost taste the salty water.

We often haul our backpacks in search of places that unexplainably calm our soul.
This one does it for me.

Humility

Black, white and gray, unintended
Binondo Church July 2008

I've been posting wacky (to me, at least) entries to beat it, really. The shock of learning that people aren't what they say they are.

I guess my young colleague is right. I shouldn't give people 100 percent. It's passport to pain, she says.

But that's just the way I am, and I know no other way in dealing with people. It's the way I'm wired. I'd trust you and not let what other people say about you get in the way. I'd give you a clean slate and then let's go from there.

But to be led to believe that a person is the epitome of humility, and then be shown the height of arrogance, pride, and vanity is...a shocking slap on the face.

I guess I'm still naive.

But I stll don't like it one bit. It's deception. It's lying to your own core as a human being.

Ibaba! Itaas! Ibagsak!

Hindi siya makikinig sa SONA.
Babae sa simbahan, Downtown Manila, July 2008

Late night dinner with girlfriends.
"You're going to listen to the SONA, right?" a friend asked me.
"No choice, we're covering it," I said.
"Would you have wanted to join the rally instead?" she asked.
"Yep. And I have pretty good slogans." I said.
"What?"
"T-shirt, itaas! Pantalon, ibaba! Boxers, ibagsak!"

They squealed. We laughed and high-fived.
Men around us stared at me.
I didn't care.
What's wrong with my slogan, anyway?

Hahahaha!

Maghihiwalay rin kayo!
Breakwater, Roxas Boulevard, July 2008

I told my friends about my latest kalandian. (Naglulumandi lang po).

"Haaaaa? Ang tanda na noon," said one. (The guy is over 50, for crying out loud. Of course there's a basis to that statement).
"Susmaryosep, nilandi ka niya ano? Babaero iyon!" said another.
"Nagka-affair iyon sa ilang sekretarya niya," said another.
There, I rest my case. Walang debate roon.

Prinsesa ako. I deserve to be worshipped. Thou shalt not have other goddesses.

Hahahahaha! Naglaho ang pagnanasa ko.

By the way, this is my 501st post.

Dressing up

Thou shalt not buy a dress with long zipper at the back...if you live alone.
Chances are, no one's going to be there to zip it up for you.


I bought this nice dress from this nice shop at Forbes two weeks ago at a very nice price. (Read: cheap).

I was going to wear it to work this morning when I realized that what holds it together is this long zipper and several buttons at the nape area. I twisted and turned and did this thing contortionists do with their elbows.

Pawis na pawis na ako at gusto ko nang maligo uli, hindi ko pa rin naisasara.

Naka-jeans and t-shirt and sneakers ako sa office ngayon. Naalala ko, wala naman akong meeting o interview ngayon.

Siyempre inis pa rin ako.

Huwag mong sabihing kailangan kong manlalaki o mag-asawa para lang maisuot ang dress na iyon?

The economics of love

Gotta start writing this article that should have been written last month but wasn't due to a typhoon named Frank, a scarce official named Lito, and a disease called Excuses.

Rudy aka Snugly warned me against being mushy but I think this isn't, and it's right up Panaderos's management alley, although the currency doesn't clang or go ka-ching!

If you change a few words, like seductive = hot, monopoly = exclusive, this will sound like Britney Spears or Kris Aquino, albeit a bit more logical and less screechy. But no, the language is economics and it is, well, enlightening. As I said, it's so Panaderos. (Sorry, Pards!)

Enjoy. Gotta get out of the house and work someplace else, else I've spent the whole weekend at home again.


Everybody’s Business
Lessons in Love, by Way of Economics
By BEN STEIN

AS my fine professor of economics at Columbia, C. Lowell Harriss (who just celebrated his 96th birthday) used to tell us, economics is the study of the allocation of scarce goods and services. What could be scarcer or more precious than love? It is rare, hard to come by and often fragile.

My primary life study has been about love. Second comes economics, so here, in the form of a few rules, is a little amalgam of the two fields: the economics of love. (I last wrote about this subject 20 years or so ago, and it’s time to update it.)

•

In general, and with rare exceptions, the returns in love situations are roughly proportional to the amount of time and devotion invested. The amount of love you get from an investment in love is correlated, if only roughly, to the amount of yourself you invest in the relationship.

If you invest caring, patience and unselfishness, you get those things back. (This assumes, of course, that you are having a relationship with someone who loves you, and not a one-sided love affair with someone who isn’t interested.)

•

High-quality bonds consistently yield more return than junk, and so it is with high-quality love. As for the returns on bonds, I know that my comment will come as a surprise to people who have been brainwashed into thinking that junk bonds are free money. They aren’t. The data from the maven of bond research, W. Braddock Hickman, shows that junk debt outperforms high quality only in rare situations, because of the default risk.

In love, the data is even clearer. Stay with high-quality human beings. And once you find that you are in a junk relationship, sell immediately. Junk situations can look appealing and seductive, but junk is junk. Be wary of it unless you control the market.

(Or, as I like to tell college students, the absolutely surest way to ruin your life is to have a relationship with someone with many serious problems, and to think that you can change this person.)

•

Research pays off. The most appealing and seductive (that word again) exterior can hide the most danger and chance of loss. For most of us, diversification in love, at least beyond a very small number, is impossible, so it’s necessary to do a lot of research on the choice you make. It is a rare man or woman who can resist the outward and the surface. But exteriors can hide far too much.

•

In every long-term romantic situation, returns are greater when there is a monopoly. If you have to share your love with others, if you have to compete even after a brief while with others, forget the whole thing. You want to have monopoly bonds with your long-term lover. At least most situations work out better this way. ( I am too old to consider short-term romantic events. Those were my life when Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon were in the White House.)

•

The returns on your investment should at least equal the cost of the investment. If you are getting less back than you put in over a considerable period of time, back off.

•

Long-term investment pays off. The impatient day player will fare poorly without inside information or market-controlling power. He or she will have a few good days but years of agony in the world of love.

To coin a phrase: Fall in love in haste, repent at leisure.

•

Realistic expectations are everything. If you have unrealistic expectations, they will rarely be met. If you think that you can go from nowhere to having someone wonderful in love with you, you are probably wrong.

You need expectations that match reality before you can make some progress. There may be exceptions, but they are rare.

•

When you have a winner, stick with your winner. Whether in love or in the stock market, winners are to be prized.

•

Have a dog or many dogs or cats in your life. These are your anchors to windward and your unfailing source of love.

Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money. How right he was.

THERE is more that could be said about the economics of love, but these thoughts may divert you while you are thinking about your future.

And let me close with another thought. I am far from glib about the economy. It has a lot of pitfalls facing it. As workers and investors, we know that many dangers lurk in our paths.

But so far, these things have always worked themselves out and this one will, too. In the meantime, they say that falling in love is wonderful, and that the best is falling in love with what you have.

Ben Stein is a lawyer, writer, actor and economist. E-mail: ebiz@nytimes.com.

Naglulumandi lang po...

I woke up early one day to listen to a briefing about money matters. One that involves several huge volumes that will give men a hernia.

I wasn't introduced to the speaker. Of course I know him. And of course he doesn't know me from Eve. I just said hi to everyone.

He smiled at me and tried to get himself included in the small talk between me and a fellow reporter.

I was asked to sign the attendance sheet. I saw him motion to his staff and he asked to see the information written there. Hmmm...

Eye contact. Smiles. Hmmm...

I hate reading between the lines. I hate misreading people. I hate being misread. I hate not knowing for sure. (Sabi nga ng starlet: Been there, been that.)

So I walked up to him, asked him for his card, and gave him mine.

When the event was over, he followed me to my car and said he'll keep in touch.

O ha?

Pasensiya na. Naglulumandi lang ang lola niyo. Masyadong seryoso ang mga entries ko this week.

Shoot buddies

These are my shoot buddies. The rule is that the one who shows up late for a shoot will pay for breakfast. Then lunch. Then dinner. Then beer.

These two are funny. There's no dull moment when they're together. But if you add me to the brew then things become sane. And intellectual. And solemn. And religious. And polite. And respectful. And formal.

If you believe all that, you ought to have your head checked.

May and her subjects who hate posing for the camera.

I just realized. We all smoke. Argh!

Jack in action. Although he's busy shooting, he keeps an eye on us to make sure we're safe.

Wedding

We were lucky there was a wedding at the Sta. Cruz church last Sunday. We practiced, albeit in a limited way, since the bride's photographers were eyeing us with suspicion. They might have thought we were competition. So I said we were photography students, just practicing.

I was able to take just one shot of the bride. She's Chinese. I'm glad that single shot made sense.


I wonder who would trust us with their wedding. I'm sure there are a few out there who would, they're just not too brave yet.

I promise I'd behave and won't snap at the drama queens and kings and princes and princesses, even until after the wedding is over. I promise.

I promise I'll try my best.

Really.

The word according to JJ

Hindi lahat ng nakatira sa kalye ay malungkot lagi.





Lumabas kami para kumuha ng litrato kahapon. Quiapo, Sta. Cruz at Binondo Church. Hah! Ang dami kong nasimbahan sa loob ng isang araw lang.

Alam niyo, wala akong alam sa history ng lugar na iyon. Sino ba si Quintin Paredes?

Maraming litrato na mabigat sa dibdib. Pero Lunes na Lunes, ayokong maging mabigat ang simula ng linggong ito.

Kaya ngumiti na lang tayo sa kalokohan ng maliit na kumare nating ito.

Have a great week ahead!

(Bawal magnenok ng litrato).

Dear Sage

Weeks ago, while unpacking, I thought of you. How you'd someday be a doctor, or some lady with a kick-ass title in upper management, logging more miles than your parents and I. Combined.

Anyway, I just want to give you a few tips that might be of help when you're big enough to carry a backpack or rich enough to pack a Louis Vuitton.

1) Choose your bag well
I lug around a Deuter Aircontact when the program involves a lot of packing, unpacking, and walking. It has side pockets where I can keep my water flask.
I choose the usual wheeled, rectangular luggage when the trip is for business. This means I won't have my clothes too crumpled for tomorrow's meeting.

2) Waterproof!
See those black garbage bags? Once you've chosen the stuff you're taking with you, place them inside a garbage bag before putting them inside your backpack or luggage. It's for your peace of mind. If it rains or if something leaks, your clothes are safe. A wet backpack is heavy. A wet backpack with wet clothes inside is pure hell if you're trying to conquer Mt. Cristobal. (It's all coming back to me now. Argh!)

3) Toiletries
I have this small bag where I keep my shampoo and other bathroom stuff. This bag should always have bug repellant and sun screen (I use Nivea Sun), on top of the usual stuff we need. A sanitary napkin should be a constant. It has many uses, like to wipe a car's windshield when splashed with thick mud. (Real experience).

Those shampoo and lotion containers provided by some hotels are good for backpacking. These are small and aren't too bulky, and light enough for a couple of days' use. Respect the contents of this small bag; Don't use them for your daily requirements at home so all you have to do is pick it up for packing when you need to travel. Place this small bag inside a separate plastic bag so that if something leaks, it won't get on your clothes.

4) Documents and money
Keep your passport and money inside a hotel-provided safe, if there is one. Otherwise, ask the hotel staff where these can be safely stored. There are small pouches with strings. Buy one and keep the pouch inside your shirt. I use one when I have to buy something expensive and I want to make sure my money or card is safe.

5)Your stuff
I have one rule many will find insane: I organize all my things in such a way that they can be packed in five minutes or less. Ergo, my dirty clothes are immediately tossed inside a plastic bag which I keep near my luggage. Clean clothes are on hangers, a separate bag ready for it. Toilet stuff are kept together in the bathroom and can be easily packed if the need arises. But the priority, should there be an emergency, is opening the safe for my passport and money. I practiced it in my mind so many times I know I can hack it on auto-pilot.

6) Socials
If you're traveling with friends, one should be assigned to stay sober for the night. His/her role is to herd you all back into your room without any incident that requires blaring sirens and a police report.

7) Hold your drink
I don't mean that just figuratively. I mean that literally, too. This prevents people, even your friends, from pouring more than you can imbibe. A lot of crazy things have happened, even between the best of friends, on holidays.

If you must leave your table and intend to rejoin your friends, finish your drink. Order a new one when you get back. This makes sure no one slipped anything into your drink.

If your capacity is four glasses of red wine, limit it to three. And keep nursing the last glass until it's time to call it a night.

Eat before you drink.

Don't mix drinks. If you must, start with beer. Remember: Beer over whiskey = very risky. Whiskey over beer = have no fear.

8) Be nice to strangers, but carry a big stick
I got lost once (Fine, lagi naman eh!) and stopped to ask a man for directions. He told me where to go but added, while trying to open Jiminy's passenger door: "I can show you where it is, I'm going there, anyway." I keep my doors locked all the time so I politely declined the offer, thanked him...then sped away.

Don't give away too much personal information. Keep the conversation limited to things that interest you. If you feel threatened in any way, make it appear like your friends know where you are and are soon joining you.

9) Respect how people do things, no matter how absurd it may seem to you
One of the best things to pack when traveling is an open mind. People do things differently, and there's a reason older than us for that. If you ask why, you will learn a lot about adaptation, history, logic, and people making do with what they have, beautifully.

10) Safe sex
I'm sorry TK, this has to be mentioned. Safe sex is so serious to be left to men alone. Besides, they're bound to forget, more often than not. A lady should have one or two condoms, all the time. It doesn't mean you're looking for it. It just means you're ready for it. It's also something your friends might need.

(As for choosing the right man, I'll tackle that in a separate post).

This is it for now. I'm sure there's more, especially since I had you in mind during those four days I was living out of my suitcase.

Dear Dhes

Pakitanong kay Da Great Val Handumon kung okay ang picture na ito. Hahaha!

Pang-friendster. O ha?

Mt. Talamitam

Faced with the prospect of a sedentary weekend again, I decided to join a couple of friends who were planning to spend a night in a farm in Nasugbu.

We scaled a mountain and rock-climbed our way to a waterfall. Here are some shots.


I was guiding my four-year old godson through a rocky part of the climb when I saw a butterfly near his foot. With my free hand, I took this shot.


What frames this cow are those plants that have this thing that sticks to your clothes. I regret not knowing its scientific name. (Asows. Pagpunta nga lang sa Nasugbu naligaw pa ako, scientific name pa kaya malalaman ko?)


My friend Atty. J, courtroom warrior during weekdays, outdoor conqueror during weekends. The trip was his idea.


We saw several wild horses. I wanted to pet one.

I knew the first 20 minutes of the climb would be difficult for my lungs. True enough, I felt dizzy and was afraid I'd pass out. After that phase, my lungs expanded and I felt like the mountain climber I was years ago.

I've been smoking less since then. I hope I'd stay motivated and quit this thing altogether. I love being out there again.

Honored

I don't always get my picture taken, as I'm always behind the lens.
I went to a forum last Friday and there I met some photographers I've known for quite some time.
One of them sent me these pictures.
To honor the kindness, I'm posting some of them here.




Salamat, fellow shooter. You have a great week ahead!

Oh, by the way, I spent the weekend climbing a mountain.

With my smoker's lungs, you just gotta raise the roof for me. Aye, c'mon. Don't be shy. One big round of applause, please.

Will post pictures when I can. I hope you had a great weekend. I did. And my leg muscles ache to prove it.

Buryong

Malapit na akong magsawa. Kailangan ko ng gamot sa buryong.
Kailangan ko nang magbakasyon kasama si Jiminy Da Cricket.
At makakita ng ganitong mga tanawin.


Pag nabili ko na ang farm ko, may windmill din akong ipapatayo para sa tubig na kailangan ko. Hmmm. Winner! Sarap mangarap!



(Si Jiminy da Cricket. Ang cute niya, ano?)

Kuha lahat sa SCTEX. Kaya madilim. Kuha sa loob ni Jiminy Da Cricket, liban sa huli, nang bumaba ako.

Marami pa ring ibon na namamatay sa expressway na ito. Tsk. Tingin ko dahil sa kumakain sila ng mga butil na naiiwan ng magsasaka sa mga palayan sa gilid ng daan. Kapag lumipad sila, ilang degrees lang ang angat nila sa horizontal direction bago sila makapagaspas paakyat. Kaya nahahagip sila.

Bakit ba ako nabuburyong nitong nakalipas na ilang linggo? Nagsasawa na ba ako? Hindi naman. Saan ka pa makakakita ng trabaho na nagsusulat ka na, binabayaran ka pa?

Tingin ko kailangan ko lang magbakasyon. Mangisda ulit.

Painfully beautiful

I keep an ear out on the soundtrack whenever I watch movies. Aside from the cinematography, of course. And the plot.

A good movie to me, is the result of the blissful orgy between a great plot, credible acting, proper script, breathtaking cinematography, and memorable music.

I have heard this song in at least three movies. It was also used in a memorable TV series. Without typing it on google, can you name at least one of them?




Israel Kamakawiwo'ole picked up a ukulele at an early age and began playing in public at 11. Here he fused "What a wonderful world" and "Over the rainbow."

This song is able to plunge me to depths of sadness then pull me back up again to scale the heights of hope in less than four minutes.

I think that's what music does, and should do. Make you feel, think, imagine and travel while sitting in front of your bedroom window.

"Iz" died in his sleep in 1997 at the age of 38. He weighed over 700 pounds most of his life.

I'm guessing this was his burial. If it is, I want to go this way. No drama. A celebration of life, no matter how short.

I just want to edit something, though. Some signs said "Iz lives." (It feels like hanging on).

Mine should say "JJ lived." (It means I had fun).

Big diff there.