The Best Men in My Life

How does one bake a cake with CJ around? Perhaps the best rule is DON'T. But how can you let go of images like these?

Like a puppy he watches it rise. He pulls a chair and watches the mysterious rising of the dough.

There. The three men I love. It would be great to collect hugs from them again, in the morning when they smell sweet, and in the afternoon coming home from school sweaty and smelling like the whole soccer team.

Nakaw

Ipinagmalaki ko rito iyong tatlong pinakamamahal kong camera. Gamit ang laptop ko.

Pagdating ko sa bahay kagabi, bukas ang dalawang lock ng pinto ko.

Wala nang VAIO laptop. Wala na lahat ng tatlong Canon SLR camera.

Tinangay rin lahat ng perang naipon ko mula sa iba't ibang lupalop ng mundo.

Ewan ko. Robot pa rin ako. Tulala. Parang ayokong umuwi kasi baka ganoon na naman ang madatnan ko.

Kung may nagsanla ng camera riyan, pakitingnan lang. Baka akin iyon.

At kayo na magnanakaw kayo...madapa sana kayo at di na makabangon.

The Bitch Resurfaces

Eto na naman ako. Ang dami ko na namang nilait.

"I'm a good catch. I've a good job. I'm upwardly mobile," sabi ng pogi.
"You echo," I said.
"Whadya mean?" he says.
"There's nothing between your ears so you echo," I said.

"we can do this and this and this," he says.
"Those are very old. You've done it countless times, with the same results," I said.
"No, this time I'm sure it will work," he says.
"Lemme go see the obit page for a while," I said.
"What for?"
"I think you name's in there somewhere."

"Ayan na naman siya, magri-request ng papeles nang pabigla-bigla," sabi ng cleck. Nagdadabog.
"Nagulat ka ba sa papel na iyan?" sabi ko naman. Inis.
"Hindi naman, kaya lang alam naman niya ang proseso, bigla siyang manghihingi ng maraming papeles," sabi ni Miss.
"Dumaan ako sa proseso niyo. Kompleto ang papeles ko. Kung gusto mo, sa kanya ka magreklamo kasi kliyente ako, at siya ang boss mo. Pag-usapan niyo, pero di ko na dapat alam," sabi ko naman.
"Hindi kita idinadamay," sabi niya.
"Sa akin ka nagrereklamo tungkol sa boss mo. Sandali lang at ipaaabot ko sa kanya ang reklamo mo," sabi ko.
Namutla si Miss. Umakyat ako sa opisina ng Assistant Secretary for Whatever.

Writing Jobs

The PCIJ is currently in need of the following:

Senior Researcher/Writer
Must have at least five years experience in journalism. Applicants will write stories for PCIJ's websites and book projects, and supervise a pool of researchers and trainees. Must be Web and multimedia-savvy. More tasks may be assigned from time to time, so applicants must have a good sense of humor and tons of patience.

Junior Researcher
Must have at least three years experience in journalism. Applicants will research, collect and analyze data for PCIJ stories and write for PCIJ's websites and book projects. Web and multimedia-savvy preferably. More tasks may be assigned from time to time, so the applicant must be able to smile amid tons of paperwork.

Interested or know anyone who might be? Email us your application with your attached resume at pcij@pcij.org.

I Love You

"I love you," he says over the phone and my mind reels. There was a time, a long time ago, when that was music to my ear. When that was expected, accepted, normal, acceptable, welcomed, reassuring, calming, confidence-building.

"Errr...thanks," I say while navigating the deadly EDSA portion and trying to figure out the tactful, diplomatic response and that was all I could say after dropping him off at the bus station.

We've never really sat down and done the math about the past. Tonight we did. We talked why we failed as a couple, why he strayed, why I left and never came back. I never looked back, until now. And the pain's excruciating. We even had names for our kids. Gileen sounded promising then.

"You said you didn't want to be another Monet, and I understood what you meant and why," he said. Monet is his young brother's young wife. Monet, who was satisfied marrying into a rich family, never having a dream of her own. Just landing the name and the man was enough.

"I remember. We were in the garden then, my head on your lap, before this big party" I say.

"You tried to change me, to see that we moved to a direction of our own," he says. "When you left, I didn't know what to do."

"I was figuring out college in UPLB, and you were doing your OJT, and then you met her. Then I came home that summer and I knew something was off when my little cousin said a joke about you and that girl and my aunt told her off" I say.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"No one caused me extreme pain and extreme joy but you. And after you, I asked for a contract to be spared from pain, because that ought to have qualified me for a pass from all future pain, I said.

He grimaced. I felt bad. But I knew I had to say it, get rid of it, like you get rid of ghosts in an exorcism. I have to let it all out now, because the chance may never come again.

"I knew I was over you when I saw you years later and I just remembered the boy, but not the feeling," I said. God, but that was how many years, how many months of sleepless nights crying my eyes out and screaming my heart out on a pitiful, soddy pillow?

God, how much more of this looking back thing can I take?

Failure and heartache propelled me like nothing. And I only had me and my dreams to help me figure things out.

Now this. Do I really have to go back, say my piece to every person I escaped from after high school? Because I'm okay, was okay, being what I was.

I was okay unfeeling.

I See Rich People

"She's stupid, but she's very loyal. That's why I keep her, " I overheard an old woman say.

"Oh, mine is so nice. She's happy to see me everytime I come home. And she gives me my slippers," the other aristocratic woman in nice spiffy clothes retorted.

They must have nice dogs, I should get one, I thought to myself.

"But now the not-so-smart maid is demanding higher pay, and I question her loyalty," the first one said.

Punyemas na mga mayayaman talaga!

Turning Tatlo

Wala akong time mag-post ng mahaba. Dami kong dapat sulatin pero dami pa ring kulang na research.

Ipagyayabang ko na lang ang pogi kong pamangkin. Tatlong taon na siya noong isang araw. Nakalimutan ko nga. Late ko na nabati. Pero bata pa naman siya kaya tingin ko may ilang taon pa akong puwedeng maging delingkuwenteng tita.


Kung nasa party ako, siguro nakurot ko ang batang babaeng ito. Haliparot eh. Hehehe. Biro lang.


O ha? Nakanaman. Nagbabadya ng hindi magandang hinaharap ang pamangkin ko. Susku. Sana may law O medical degree na siya bago magdesisyong mag-motorsiklo na may karay-karay na babae sa likod.

PS: Nagalit nga pala ate ko. Wala man lang daw akong komento tungkol kina Tiger at Brian. O sa kanya at nanay ko. Puro raw ako CJ. Tsk.

Mag-anak siya ng isa pa para may iba naman akong kukumustahin.